A few years back my maternal grandmother gave me one of the greatest gifts I've ever received - 16 years worth of letters that my mother had written her. The first letter is from the fall of 1972 when my mom was a freshman at Indiana University of Pennsylvania and the last one is from 1988, shortly after we moved into my childhood home. While I imagine it was such a treat when long distance phone calls became affordable, I selfishly wish they would have stayed expensive so that my mom would have continued with her weekly "Hellos" and updates to her parents. Her letters were replaced by Sunday chats that will never be resurfaced for future generations. Even though I crave reading her words from 1988 until 1996, I am so thankful for what I do have.
Some of the letters are silly and pointless - after all she was only 18 when they start and very much a typical "needy" college kid - often asking for money and the latest gossip from back home (too bad I don't have my grandmother's responses!). But others speak to me about challenges, frustrations, decisions needing made, etc. These letters show me that 30+ years later, I still face much of the same issues that she did.
I want to share them with you as I learn from them - I want to allow you a glimpse into a very personal piece of my life. I hope you enjoy them.
First Up - Her decision to go back to work full time after having me. January 9, 1985. She's 31 (same age as me now!). Brad's 4.5 and I'm 2.5.
The letter starts with a typical introduction, weather recap, then discusses a little bit about what she's been doing during the week. Played racquetball. Church building committee meetings. Craft projects. Bought a new freezer. Etc. Etc. Then it goes a little something like this:
"I do have one rather large piece of news for you. I'm not sure you'll have a very favorable response to it, though. I didn't say anything on the phone Sat though because it all has happened suddenly and nothing was definite, and still isn't. I've gone back to work full-time, for now at least. It may be 6-8 wks; it may be all the rest of the year depending on which school I end up at. Let me explain all that."
There are a few paragraphs about the schools contacting her to come back and how she interviewed with 2 different local schools that needed high school math teachers mid-year. She talks about how the neighbor watches kids in her home and will babysit us. She continues:
"Please understand this is not a rash decision. I have thought so long about it, even before it all started happening. And I have prayed and prayed that God will show me His will and help me do the right thing. I believe if it all falls into place, that I'm meant to do it. I had recently been less satisfied at home and noticed I was constantly screaming at the kids. Now, I pick them up. We're all anxious to see each other and we spend the rest of the afternoon playing till Dave gets home. And it's just more relaxed around here. I'm much more patient. They are going to bed early and easily and we're all happy. I realize this is only the first week but so far, so good. I hope you don't think I'm a poor mother because I want to go back to work. I just felt I needed it. I know the kids are secure enough in my love to be away and yet know I'll always be close. But your approval will mean a lot."
The reason this letter speaks to me is because I've been there. The decision to work or stay at home after becoming a mother is a tough one. It is today and it was in 1985. People have opinions of what is best for you but usually their opinion is based on what is best for them. I truly don't believe God has called all mothers to stay home. I've worked part-time. I've worked full-time. I've stayed home. None of those decisions were made without prayer and a confidence that I was doing what God intended for me during that specific season. Today I am enjoying being a SAHM (even though I certainly have my less-than-patient-I-need-a-break days) and I feel it is best for our family for now. There may come a day when I go back to work and just like my mom, I'll be seeking the approval of those around me, even if I know I'm doing the right thing.
If mom was here I'd let her know that I never thought she was a poor mother and we were indeed very secure with her love for us. Her decision to go back to work did not affect us negatively and we have nothing but positive memories of those days.
