Linda Johns Toy
August 31, 1954 - October 19, 1996
As I mentioned in an earlier post, this year is a big anniversary for me in regards to my mom's death. I was 14 when mom died, I'm now 28. That means I have now been living without her as long as I ever got to live with her. It's a hard realization and no matter how long I go without, I will never forget those precious 14 years I had with her. I want to thank all of you who stood by my side during that freshman year of high school. Several of you continue to be an important part of my life. I'm sure some of you still remember those sad days as easily as I do. Mom was such a sweet, caring, silly, bright, happy lady and her personality was contagious. She had a lot of friends and her death not only impacted me but many, many others. I hope she is remembered for all of her great qualities but most importantly her deep love for Jesus. If I could have a word with her this is what I'd say...
Mom,
I can't believe you've been gone for 14 years now. I will NEVER forget you and I thank you for the times we had together. I thank you for your grace and love towards me and Brad even when we were difficult. I thank you for your compassion. I still remember the time we had an argument before school when I was in elementary school. You dropped me off (I was still upset) but sometime later I was called to the Principal's office to receive a message from you simply saying, "I love you." I thank you for your honesty during your sickness and I thank you for fighting with all of your might. I thank you for reminding me that Jesus has a plan and that even if He chose not to heal you that He was still sovereign. I thank you for encouraging me not to get angry at God and to stay grounded. I thank you for your love for Daddy and how your marriage together only brings back happy memories in my mind. I thank you for your last letters to me because when I need to hear your voice I can pull them out and feel like you are speaking to me. I thank you for the beautiful mother-daughter relationship we had. Where we could talk and confide in one another and we were best friends. Every year since you have been gone has been laced with moments when I needed and wanted you by my side. I missed you during my first high school heart breaks. I missed you reprimanding me when I brought home less than stellar grades. I missed singing duets together at church. I missed you cheering for me on the soccer field, especially when we won state championships. I missed you beaming with pride as Brad escorted me on Homecoming Court. I missed introducing you to Jacob and I missed you watching us fall in love. I missed you helping me get ready for his prom and a year later my prom. I missed you at my high school graduation and I missed you moving me into my dorm my freshman year of college. I missed receiving care packages from you at Clemson because I still remember how when I would go to church camp for a week you would mail cards so that I would receive one every day. I missed calling home to tell you about how awful architecture school was and I missed you at my college graduation. I missed celebrating with you when I got engaged and I missed wedding dress shopping and planning my big day with you but more importantly I missed seeing you on the front row as I walked down the aisle to my best friend. I missed your encouragement as Jacob and I hiked the Appalachian Trail and I missed you climbing Mt. Katahdin with us at the end. I missed you moving me to Memphis. I missed telling you about my first job and my first lay off. I missed your support as I served on various mission projects, especially in Indonesia because I know you had a heart for service too. I missed Thanksgivings and Christmases with you. I missed you holding me as I mourned my first pregnancy loss BUT the thing I miss most of all is watching you hold my babies and watching you grandmother them. You would adore them as much as you adored me. And though I have had moments of sadness over the last half of my life...I want you to know that God HAS been SO good to us and provided many moments of happiness. You would be so proud of the way Daddy took care of me and Brad and how he displayed grace in his parenting with us. He supported us in our hobbies and provided alternatives when he wasn't too keen on our interests (like the time I wanted my belly button pierced he took me to get my ear pierced again instead). I know he didn't sign up to be a single dad but he certainly took it without complaint. God provided some amazing women in my life that I know you would forever be grateful to and God has provided a new wife for Daddy. A woman that I know you would love. It's hard to believe that as the days go on, my life will now be full of more days without you than with you but I promise that until my death, I will never, ever forget you. Thank you for telling me about Jesus so that one day I can see you again as we sings praises to our Saviour side by side. I look forward to doing cartwheels down the golden streets with you one day! I love you.
***If your reading this and your mom is still living, go tell her you love her and give her a hug if you live close enough. Thank her for your relationship and the things she does for you. I know that not every mother-daughter/son relationship is as healthy as mine was but I guarantee every mom out there has made at least one sacrifice that she deserves to be thanked for. You are so blessed to have her, don't ever forget that.***
12 comments:
i love you friend, and am glad to have had you freshman year. think of her passing every October.
Trish, I have been thinking of your mom alot lately. I miss her alot! I was only about 14 when her and your dad were dating. She was a great big sister to me. I will never forget her. I love you! Aunt Pam
Hey Tricia! I remember, vividly, going to soccer tournaments with your family. I remember your mom getting sick and I remember 14 years ago. You and I have been alive the same amount of time, and I can't imagine having a milestone like this. I thank you for reminding me that I shouldn't take my mom for granted. Thanks for your heartfelt honesty!
-Sarah Cook
Thanks Trish. Now that I have turned 40 I am but 2yrs away from my half way point. Know that I am praying with ya and for ya.
Jeff W.
Hey Tricia! This was a great post. It made me cry as I sat there and read it. It made me think of my dad and the things that I wish I could say to him. Your mom was an incredible woman and even though you only got 14 years with her--I can see her in you. I still remember her having to make me grilled cheese so that I would actually stay the whole night with you! I can't believe that it has been this long.
Rebecca Burns
Love you friend and i love this sweet post. i wish i could've known your mom the way you did. i know i would've loved her. so thankful you are in our family.
by the way, the 1987 picture of you looks EXACTLY like Dakota...couldn't believe it.
Trish
WOW. As I walk through a sickness with my mom I often think what will it look like without her in it. You have made me want to write all my thoughts down. I love that you have written this for your heart but also for Dakota and Corbin.
Dear Trish:
Thank you for sharing this lovely heartfelt post with us...I know that there were tears shed and smiles as you remembered and longed for more time with your dear Mom. I am thankful that God had us on Dartmoor Drive at this time in your life. I too lost my Mom at a very young age and you have expressed my thoughts, especially about the reunion that we will have with our Moms in heaven.
My love to you sweet girl,
Suzy Glymph
We love you, Trishy.
Trish - I tried posting this the other day, but it wouldn't work for some reason. Anyway, thank you so much for posting this! I told myself that I wouldn't cry no matter how sad it was. Thanks for the warning! Anyway, I said I wouldn't cry, but instead I was bawling all the way through! Thank you for reminding me to be thankful that my mother is still here and close by and to not take her (or any of my family members for that matter) forgranted. I know your mom was a very special lady. I know she's looking down and is so incredibly proud of you today! I look forward to seeing you celebrate with her in heaven one day! Thanks again for sharing!
-Leigh Ann
Trish, thank you again for this gentle reminder about not forgetting to express love and thankfulness for your loved ones. I can't imagine going through all of those milestones you mentioned without my Mom. I'm glad the Lord blessed you with other important women in your life. No one can ever replace your Mom, but know that when I think of you, I think of the same attributes you mentioned about your Mom - sweet, caring, silly, bright, etc.
This is a precious letter to your mom. I know she is so proud of the godly woman you've become! Thanks for the reminder to cherish our time with our mommas and to hug our babies as much as we can now because we may not always be there. Love you!
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